


Post - Break - Up Kiss

by alliaskofyou



Series: Saphael Kisses [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 15:59:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13103628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alliaskofyou/pseuds/alliaskofyou
Summary: The kiss that catches you both off guard, but says I miss you, I'm sorry, and please love me again all at once.





	Post - Break - Up Kiss

Simon doesn’t know why he’s here. He doesn’t know what he thinks he’ll accomplish. He betrayed the clan. Does he honestly believe they’ll welcome him back with arms spread wide? All he does know is how horrifically he misses Raphael, how the scathing glare Raphael gave him through the beams of light that separated them haunts him. The Shadowhunters versus the vampires. Simon doesn’t belong in either group. At least not now. The Shadowhunters, besides Clary and Izzy, barely tolerate him and his stay on the Institute. Raph - the vampires eagerly await his death. He feels so lost and alone; it’s choking him, an ever-tightening vice around his throat, a heavy weight pressing down and into his chest. He looks up at the towering Hotel and the memories come flooding in before he can dam them. He remembers exposing Stan to Doctor Who and crying together as they watch Ten tell Rose goodbye; he remembers taking Lily out for her birthday to the ice skating rink and her bubbling laughter following him every time he landed on his ass; he remembers Friday movie nights with the whole clan, arguing over who gets to choose the movie; he remembers Raphael comforting him after he learned of his nightmares, rubbing his back and wiping his eyes, pressing a gentle kiss on Simon’s forehead as he hums him back to sleep; he remembers training sessions with Raphael, beginning with angry, biting critiques and ending with playful tackling and Raphael’s illuminating laughter; he remembers Raphael playing the piano softly as Simon watched from the bench next to him, head leaning on Raphael’s shoulder. His eyes burn and he hastily wipes them with his sleeve. He realizes how ridiculous he must look, how pathetic. He turns to leave, but a voice freezes him in place.

 

“You must really have a death wish.”

 

Simon turns and sees him. He looks gorgeous as always and the thought that Raphael isn’t even affected by Simon’s absence creates a raw ache in Simon that sucks all the feeling from his limbs. “Yeah, I think I do.”

 

Raphael glares at him, harsh and unreadable. “What are you doing here, Simon?”

 

“I - I don’t know.”

 

“Then leave. You’re not welcome here.”

 

Simon feels himself breaking, fracturing, splintering into little pieces and scattering in the building wind. “Raphael, I want to say I’m sorry. I want to throw myself at your feet and beg for forgiveness, but I can’t because, if faced with the decision again, I would still save Jocelyn.”

 

Raphael remains stoic, but Simon feels encouraged because at least he’s here. He's listening.

 

“But- but I want to say sorry about the way it all happened. I never wanted it to affect my relationship with the clan, with us.”

 

Raphael scoffs. “You had to have known there’d be consequences, Simon.”

 

Just the fact that he says Simon instead of “baby” (a horrid nickname the clan decided to give him for being the youngest) or “idiota”, makes Simon want to burst into tears at what he has lost. He swallows. “I know. Go- I know that. I just - I didn’t think, okay? I was worried about Jocelyn and I didn’t think and I felt pressured and I didn’t know what to do. Raphael, I was scared and stupid, but the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you.” Simon feels the tears slip before he can blink them away. At the sight of them, something within Raphael seems to break, and Simon sees how much he has hurt him, sees it in the uncharacteristic slouch, sees it in how harshly he blinks, sees it in how he clenches his teeth to bite back words he doesn’t want to slip out.

 

Simon takes a step forward. “Raphael, this place is my home, you - you’re my home. I don’t feel that way with the Shadowhunters, even Clary. I used to. I did. But then you and the rest of the clan, you became my family, and I feel like I’m missing something, something vital to my existence without them...without you.”

 

Raphael swallows harshly. “Simon, you need to leave. I want you to leave.”

 

“Please.” Simon isn’t even sure what he’s asking at this point, but he just wants to be saved from being swallowed whole by the loss of his clan, of Raphael.

 

Raphael closes his eyes tight, wrinkles crinkling at the edges.

 

Simon walks forward until he’s standing on the step below him. “Raphael.” He whispers it like a prayer. One that Raphael answers with the press of his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> Come chat with me on tumblr [alliaskofyou](http://alliaskofyou.tumblr.com/) or on Discord (Bay#3632)


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